Please use this child to bring glory to Your name, and please help him to be normal.
Amen.
This was the prayer I prayed every day of my pregnancy and through the first year of Sam's life. There is no explanation as to why I felt such a need to pray it daily, other than God was preparing my heart for the journey that was about to begin.
I remember the first time I suspected that my son had autism. Being a first-time mom, I wasn't quite sure what to look for. But I wondered why I had such a difficult time getting his attention. Why didn't he look at me when I called his name? Why was he hitting all of his milestones just a little late? Why didn't he like having other kids playing around him? Why did he excitedly flap his arms and stare at the ceiling fan instead of playing with his toys? Why did he want all of his toys to spin like the ceiling fan?
I was in denial. Each time a red flag popped up, I dismissed it. Not my child. I prayed a specific prayer to God over and over. He had to honor that prayer. My son was going to be a preacher, worship leader, missionary or evangelist, right?
Then the concern was voiced by my husband. The words "Maybe Sam has autism" spoken over the phone caused me to have a good cry in the parking lot of Walmart while hanging up on Jim.
By the time my sister confessed that she suspected he was on the spectrum, I knew it was probably true. Sam was barely two years old. He knew all of his letters and their sounds. He knew his numbers. He knew his shapes. He knew his colors. He could name body parts, animals and animal sounds, quote every book in his bookshelf...and he could sing!
And sing all the time, he did. He sang on key with the prettiest little preschool voice I've ever heard. He learned through music. He sang all the songs on his lullaby CD in perfect order. He tried to sing not only words but the instrumentation as well. And when he had learned all of those songs, he learned more. He sang VeggieTales songs, commercials, YouTube videos, Switchfoot, praise and worship songs. He even sang the Olympic Fanfare. And, yes, every pitch was correct.
He could do all of these wonderful things. He just couldn't communicate with us like his peers. That prompted a visit from a speech therapist. Which led to a call to the pediatrician (who up until this time said there was nothing wrong). Which referred us to some wonderful people that would help us navigate the spectrum journey.
After receiving the diagnosis of autism, I remembered my daily prayer. Nothing will rock your world or your faith quite like watching your child struggle or getting such a diagnosis. I questioned God. Why, when all I wanted was for my son to be used by God and "normal", did He choose this as an answer?
Then the revelation came. He would use Sam to bring glory to His name. He just chose to say "no" to "normal." Isn't that just like God? To use those we humans would deem not worthy. Because using a child with autism would bring Him even more glory than if he were to have answered "yes" to "normal."
I still don't know what Sam's future looks like exactly, but I know Who holds it. He has a purpose for Sam. He has a purpose for every child with autism. And He will use them as He sees fit.
Today, Sam is almost three. He is thriving. I couldn't be prouder of him! With the help of wonderful trained professionals, he is communicating and learning how to be more social. He is funny, happy, loving and still singing...always singing! He is the most awesome almost-three-year-old I know.
I wouldn't have had my daily prayer answered any other way.
You're more than one in a million.
No one could take your place.
Though I could try, there's no way that I
Could ever forget your face.
You're more than one in a million.
No other ever could do,
'Cause not even one in a million
Could ever compare to you,
Could ever come close to you.
(Excerpt from "One in a Million" from the VeggieTales CD, "25 Favorite Lullabies")
