An Open Letter to Struggling Parents

Dear Struggling Parent of a Newly Diagnosed Child with ASD,

I have never met you or your child. I have never seen your face. I've never even heard your name. I don't know your story, but I know a few things. 

I know what it's like to lie awake at night and wonder if your child will always be different. Will he ever be able to say my name or tell me that he loves me? Will she one day be able to have a conversation with me and tell me what she's thinking? Will he always flap his arms? Will she always need to live at home with me? Will she always be able to find friends that truly appreciate who she is and love her in spite of her differences? Will he ever sleep through the night? Does he hear me when I talk to him? What would happen to her if something happened to me? 

I know what it's like to be jealous of every other parent in the store or at the park because they can ask their children questions...and their children actually answer back. Those children look at their parents when their name is called. They know that it's dangerous to walk away from mom and dad. Yes, I've known the guilty feeling of jealousy. 

I know what it's like to question if everything you've been taught is true. To shake my angry little fist in the air at a God bigger than my imagination and ask, "why my child?" To wonder if it's worth calling out to Him again on your child's behalf. To wonder if He cares at all. 

I  just wanted you to know that with all this crazy autism comes a bright side. A side that some parents may never chose to experience. I know a few things about that side, too.

I  know what it's like to celebrate every tiny milestone...the ones that usually get lost in the life of the typically developing child. He made a new sound! She held hands with a peer in class! He actually ate a goldfish cracker that was broken! She said hello without prompting! Everything is celebrated. 

I know what it's like to hope for a better future than the one you envision now. To meet other parents who have walked this puzzling journey before you and hear their stories of encouragement. To find just the right trained professionals who will not only work with your child, but will love him and advocate for him. To find yourself surrounded by people who love and support you and your whole family. To encourage other families who need to hear your stories. 

Best of all, I know what it's like to have a relationship with the only One who truly has control over your child's life. To look back on your own life and see how He has prepared you for this long road ahead. To know that you have Someone who is so much bigger than yourself Who you can run to and ask for strength, wisdom, love and understanding beyond your own, and trust that He will answer your prayers in His own perfect timing. 

Sooooo...

To the mother who is listening to your child tantrum for who knows why...I'm praying for you. To the father who is wondering how to pay the mounting bills for therapy...I'm praying for you. To the parent who has just heard the diagnosis of ASD...I'm praying for you. 

Hold tightly to the sweet moments with your child and let go of the disturbing ones. You are not alone on this journey. Know that this too shall pass. And lean on the everlasting arms of God. His arms are capable of carrying any amount of heavy burdens. And while you're at it, trust your child's future to Him. He made your child. He made you the parent of your child. He doesn't make mistakes and He has a purpose for you both. Rest in that tonight and get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day. 

I just thought you needed to hear that. 

Sincerely, 
Leigh

P.S. Maybe you can find as much comfort in these verses as I have. 

"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you; 
And when you pass through the rivers, 
They will not sweep over you. 
When you walk through the fire, 
You will not be burned; 
The flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God, 
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior; 
Do not be afraid, for I am with you."
(Isaiah 43:2-3, 5)

Running for a Cause

Today, my family participated in our city's run for autism. The purpose of the event was to raise money to help pay for therapy for families who cannot afford it. Sam is blessed to receive Applied Behavior Analysis therapy.

He loves his therapists, and we have seen the wonderful results that this particular kind of therapy can bring. We wish every child with autism could receive ABA. So suiting up for the race was a no-brainer.

Today's event reminded me of another race...one that all of us are running daily. In the race of life, some run for fame or glory. Others run for position or power. Many run for money or material possessions. Or perhaps for family or friends.

According to the Bible, none of these causes will bring eternal satisfaction. Ecclesiasties 2:17 says, "So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind."

Ok, so what cause is worth all the fuss of life? Does it exist? I believe 1 Corinthians 10:31 gives the answer for why you and I are here on this earth. "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Sometimes that is easier said than done. Distractions come at us from every side. The enemy does his best to thwart our best laid plans. We get down. We feel like giving up. We take a detour not meant for us. Our run becomes more of a crawl. We lose sight of our purpose.

What do we do then? In Philippians 3:13-14, the apostle Paul says, "Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

We must press on. We must remove the things from our lives that weigh us down on our path. And we must focus again on the One who laid the path before us.

Are you on a detour? Change direction and press on. Have you recently taken a fall? Get back up and press on. Are you carrying a heavy burden? Lay it down at the feet of Jesus and press on.

At the end of your life, I hope you can echo 2 Timothy 4:7 which says, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

How is the view from your path today? Whatever it is, know that God is running with you.

In Jesus' name, we press on.

The Spiritual Spectrum

It was a Sunday morning. I sat down where I always sit on Sunday mornings...behind the keyboard on the platform of the church's worship center. The first service was about to begin. People were still filing into the balcony. The orchestra was seated, ready for the downbeat. On the outside, I appeared to have it all together. On the inside, I was an emotional wreck. My blood was running through my veins as cold as the frigid air blowing down from the vents above. I didn't feel like worshipping that particular morning.

Four days prior to that Sunday, I had opened an envelope containing a piece of paper with some test results. My sweet, innocent little boy was diagnosed with autism. Even with all of the speculation in the months proceeding, I was not prepared to read the words typed on that paper. It was almost as if I became obsessed with my child's autism at that moment. I could barely focus on anything else. The fear of the unknown took hold of me.

As the service began, my mind started thinking about all the signs of autism that were present in my son. Some of them were obvious. Some were endearing. Some seemed almost typical for any 2-year-old. I began singing the words to a familiar song along with the choir, smiling as I pictured my sweet little boy standing in front of me in our living room with a stack of books on the couch next to him. He had memorized all of those books and he loved for me to repeat his words as he quoted them one by one. Over and over again, he would "read" books all day long. It was his way of communicating. He had no idea what words like "encouragement" or "understanding " meant, but he loved to say them.

I  began to get frustrated as I continued singing the worship songs that morning. I wondered why God would allow my son to have the ability to say all of those words, yet he couldn't use any of them to communicate his thoughts and feelings to me. I longed for him to just converse with me, tell me what was going through his mind, or tell me that he loved me. After all, I had been sitting right beside him the entire time.

Have you ever had one of those moments when truth comes at you with so much power that it seems to smack you right in the gut? This was that moment for me.

That Sunday morning, sitting in that familiar spot behind the keyboard, I heard a gentle voice speak to my heart. "Isn't that what you are doing to Me? Even at this moment, you are singing memorized words, but you don't even know what you are singing. And I am sitting right beside you, longing for you to tell me from your heart that you love Me."

Wow!!! At that moment in time, my Heavenly Father revealed to me that I was on the spectrum, spiritually speaking. And just as I was disappointed in my child's lack of conversation with me, God was disappointed with my lack of genuine conversation with Him. The Bible reminds of this truth. Matthew 15:8 says, "These people honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me."

That day changed how I walk into a worship service. I want my mind to be totally engaged with God while I'm singing, playing keys or listening to God's Word. And I have to pray earnestly to keep the distractions away. I'm not always successful, but now I am aware of my "diagnosis."

So, where are you on the spiritual spectrum? Maybe you are like me and struggle with focusing on God. Or perhaps you deny His existence. Maybe distractions come at you from all directions. If you can relate and you want to do something about it, how about some spiritual therapy?

"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3)

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30)

I love You, Lord, and I lift my voice
To worship You. Oh my soul, rejoice!
Take joy, my King, in what You hear. 
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear.