I have never met you or your child. I have never seen your face. I've never even heard your name. I don't know your story, but I know a few things.
I know what it's like to lie awake at night and wonder if your child will always be different. Will he ever be able to say my name or tell me that he loves me? Will she one day be able to have a conversation with me and tell me what she's thinking? Will he always flap his arms? Will she always need to live at home with me? Will she always be able to find friends that truly appreciate who she is and love her in spite of her differences? Will he ever sleep through the night? Does he hear me when I talk to him? What would happen to her if something happened to me?
I know what it's like to be jealous of every other parent in the store or at the park because they can ask their children questions...and their children actually answer back. Those children look at their parents when their name is called. They know that it's dangerous to walk away from mom and dad. Yes, I've known the guilty feeling of jealousy.
I know what it's like to question if everything you've been taught is true. To shake my angry little fist in the air at a God bigger than my imagination and ask, "why my child?" To wonder if it's worth calling out to Him again on your child's behalf. To wonder if He cares at all.
I just wanted you to know that with all this crazy autism comes a bright side. A side that some parents may never chose to experience. I know a few things about that side, too.
I know what it's like to celebrate every tiny milestone...the ones that usually get lost in the life of the typically developing child. He made a new sound! She held hands with a peer in class! He actually ate a goldfish cracker that was broken! She said hello without prompting! Everything is celebrated.
I know what it's like to hope for a better future than the one you envision now. To meet other parents who have walked this puzzling journey before you and hear their stories of encouragement. To find just the right trained professionals who will not only work with your child, but will love him and advocate for him. To find yourself surrounded by people who love and support you and your whole family. To encourage other families who need to hear your stories.
Best of all, I know what it's like to have a relationship with the only One who truly has control over your child's life. To look back on your own life and see how He has prepared you for this long road ahead. To know that you have Someone who is so much bigger than yourself Who you can run to and ask for strength, wisdom, love and understanding beyond your own, and trust that He will answer your prayers in His own perfect timing.
Sooooo...
To the mother who is listening to your child tantrum for who knows why...I'm praying for you. To the father who is wondering how to pay the mounting bills for therapy...I'm praying for you. To the parent who has just heard the diagnosis of ASD...I'm praying for you.
Hold tightly to the sweet moments with your child and let go of the disturbing ones. You are not alone on this journey. Know that this too shall pass. And lean on the everlasting arms of God. His arms are capable of carrying any amount of heavy burdens. And while you're at it, trust your child's future to Him. He made your child. He made you the parent of your child. He doesn't make mistakes and He has a purpose for you both. Rest in that tonight and get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day.
I just thought you needed to hear that.
Sincerely,
Leigh
P.S. Maybe you can find as much comfort in these verses as I have.
"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
And when you pass through the rivers,
They will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
You will not be burned;
The flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
Do not be afraid, for I am with you."
(Isaiah 43:2-3, 5)
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